There’s a weight on my chest, a familiar ache I can’t ignore. It feels like something trapped inside me, pressing to get out. I’ve felt this before—many times. Every year, from the end of January into the first week of February and again at the end of October into early November, it returns. For a long time, I didn’t understand why. I would feel off—restless, short-tempered, tearful for no reason. My mind couldn’t place it, but my body knew.
Then, I finally made the connection.
Grief Lives in the Body
Grief doesn’t just exist in our memories—it settles into our bodies. Researchers have found that grief can cause physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and tightness in the chest (Mental Health America). It’s a full-body experience, even years after a loss.
For me, this is most noticeable around the anniversaries of my loved ones’ deaths.
November 6th marks the passing of my little boy.
February 1st is the anniversary of my husband’s death.
And long before my mind registers those dates, my body does. The weight in my chest? The sudden mood swings? They aren’t random—they are grief’s quiet reminders.
This is known as the anniversary effect, where your body unconsciously reacts to dates tied to trauma or loss (Choosing Therapy).
Recognizing Anniversary Grief
For years, I didn’t recognize what was happening. I would get frustrated with myself. Why am I so irritable? Why can’t I focus?
It took me a long time to realize that grief has its own calendar. Experts at The National Center for PTSD explain that anniversary reactions can include mood changes, sleep disturbances, or even physical pain. Our minds may not be consciously focused on the loss, but our bodies remember.
If you’ve ever felt an unshakable sadness or unease at a certain time of year, it might not be a coincidence. Your grief is speaking to you.
How to Cope with Grief Anniversaries
Now, when these feelings come, I no longer fight them. Instead, I pause, breathe, and remember. Here’s what has helped me—and what might help you too:
1. Acknowledge What You’re Feeling
Don’t ignore it or try to push through. Research shows that ignoring grief can intensify emotional and physical symptoms (Verywell Mind).
2. Plan Ahead for Difficult Days
If you know an anniversary is approaching, prepare for it. Take the day off, light a candle, visit a meaningful place, or do something in honor of your loved one (Sue Ryder).
3. Find a Balance Between Grieving and Living
Grief is heavy, but it doesn’t have to consume you. Some people find comfort in writing letters, looking through old photos, or engaging in creative expression (Hospice of the Red River Valley).
4. Be Kind to Yourself
It’s okay if you feel out of sorts. Your body is processing a loss that mattered deeply. You are not "stuck" in grief—you are simply remembering with your whole being (Philly Death Doulas).
You Loved Well—Let That Be Enough
So today, as I feel that familiar ache, I don’t push it away. I welcome it. I honor it. And then, I look around and make sure to hold close the people still beside me.
If grief is speaking to you today, let it remind you of something beautiful: you loved well. And that love still echoes, still lingers, still matters.
Have you felt this way before? If so, be gentle with yourself. Grief doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you remember. And that is a gift.
I'd love to hear your thoughts. Have you experienced anniversary grief? How do you navigate these moments? Share in the comments below.
~ Janet Haney
Additional Resources on Grief & Anniversaries
📌 More about the anniversary effect: Choosing Therapy
📌 Handling grief anniversaries: Cruse Bereavement Support
📌 How grief affects your body: WebMD
📌 Embracing loss on anniversaries, birthdays & holidays: Dr. Christina Hibbert